


Speak

by rippedoutgrace



Series: Truth Will Free You [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 07:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rippedoutgrace/pseuds/rippedoutgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn still pines for Liam</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speak

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this originally as a sequel to Truth, but it can definitely be a stand alone piece!

He’s watching Liam respond to Twitter messages from his phone while they’re all waiting between interviews and wishing he’d look up, look at him. He squints slightly willing the other boy to notice him. _Look at me, look at me_ on repeat in his mind. He tenses as Harry slides over to Liam and hooks his chin over his shoulder, reading as he types. He snickers and points out something on the screen and Liam reads it, his eyes crinkling as he laughs. Zayn’s irritated, his skin starting to feel too small for his body and he shifts and now tries to silently will Harry away and back to Louis where he belongs, _away from his Liam._

Zayn can’t help but feel possessive over him. He’s so bright and shining, pure and sweet, and well, Zayn isn’t any of those things. He’s dark and brooding, irrational to a fault. All he can breathe and taste every day is Liam. He’s wrapped himself so completely around Zayn’s heart. Every time he smiles or laughs or does something so perfectly Liam-like, it’s as if he’s squeezing the hold he has on his heart, constricting it so tightly that no blood can pump in or out, slowly cutting off his life’s supply.

 

Zayn can’t live like this anymore but he doesn’t know what to do. He wants Liam more than anything, he wants him to notice him and give him the love that’s so obviously bubbling out from inside of him. Just to look at Liam was to see all the love and joy and brilliance in the world. Zayn just wants Liam to bring that spark, that beautiful golden light into his own dark world.

 

He fidgets and taps his fingers against his thighs, noticing they’re looking a bit thinner than usual. When did that happen? It wasn’t as if he spent a lot of time in the gym, though maybe he should. Liam seems to live in a gym sometimes. Maybe he could join him tomorrow. Make it seem casual; just trying to get in shape or whatever it is people say about that stuff.

 

He thinks back, trying to remember the last time he ate a proper meal. Yesterday…? Or no. It was the day before, right? It was when Liam asked him to order room service with him in their last hotel. So, that would be two days ago. Had it really been that long? Had it been that long since he’d been alone with Liam? He knows he should be more concerned about eating but it seemed so inconsequential compared to getting just a bit of Liam’s time, his smiles and easy laughter. Who can think of eating when hearts are being broken and crushed by doe-eyed, plaid-wearing boys? Not Zayn.

 

Now he’s dying for a cigarette, needing that taste, the smell of the nicotine to envelop him in something besides his own dark thoughts. Wispy clouds don’t conceal much but they do all right for his purposes. He just wants to feel it in his lungs, expanding his diaphragm to feel it fill up and absorb the darkness before releasing it slowly, upwards and away from him. The smoke physically pushes all the pain and heartache towards the sky, to anyone or anything paying attention. But he can’t leave Liam yet. Just a few more moments.

 

Finally, he decides he can’t wait any longer and makes some mumbled excuse about getting some air. Harry pops up from his place on Liam’s shoulder with a cheerful, “I’ll come along, mate.” Zayn groans internally, he wanted to get away from Harry so he wouldn’t feel such gripping jealousy towards him. Instead he nods tersely and walks off without checking to see if Harry was following.

 

There’s a small alleyway behind the building and Zayn steps into it gratefully, happy to be outside where everything seems slightly less oppressive. He can hear scattered chatter from a few particularly dedicated fans but the building is situated so that they wouldn’t be able to see Zayn. He’s surprised they’re still out there honestly. The boys have been inside for at least two hours now. He hears the door swing open and creak shut with a _click_. Maybe Harry won’t talk to him. Maybe they can just stand out here in total silence while Zayn sucks down one, two, or five cigarettes. He pulls a pack out of his pocket, wincing slightly at the way his pants are falling off his slim hips. Harry’s a warm presence beside him and suddenly he doesn’t feel such hostility to him anymore. Maybe it’s because he’s finally away from Liam. In any case, Zayn has business with his cigarette. He has dark thoughts that need to be pulled out of him.

 

He manages to get about halfway through one before Harry clears his throat, interrupting the silence with that impossibly slow voice of his. “You know, we’ve been kinda worried about you lately…”

 

“Huh.” He isn’t planning on encouraging this conversation but Harry clearly doesn’t need Zayn’s participation for this part.

 

“Well, I mean, it’s about Liam, right?” he chatters on blithely, unaware that Zayn is frozen in shock and pain and _no_ , how can he be so cavalier about the very thing that is tearing Zayn apart? No one was supposed to know. How did he find out? Has Zayn been too obvious? Oh, God. His mind is racing, thinking of times he was too possessive, too broody, staring for too long. He can’t even manage to find his voice in order to tell Harry to shut up.

 

“…but you know, I think you should just tell him. He’s like, in love with you, basically, you know. And it’s obvious that—“

 

“ _Stop_ ,” coming out far more menacing than he intended.  Well, at least he found his voice.

 

Harry blinks owlishly at him, unaffected by Zayn’s tonal equivalent of “I’m going to smash your face in”. He just waits patiently for Zayn to continue.

 

“I…I can’t just…I can’t Harry. And how do you know anyway?” _That I’m in love with Liam Payne and every time I see him I want to scream and claw my heart out from beneath my ribs because it just hurts too fucking much to be near him, but God, I can’t not be near him either. How do you know?_

 

“Mate,” Harry’s speaking softly now, barely a whisper. “I love you. Niall and Louis love you. Liam loves you. You can’t keep secrets from us. But Liam? He’s in love with you.” Harry reaches out and lightly squeezes Zayn’s arm. “You need to tell him. It’s eating you alive, isn’t it? Just tell him.”

 

“Harry… I _can’t_ ,” he says around his cigarette and shakes his head so forcefully a bit of ash falls off the end. He slips it out of his mouth before asking, panic growing, “What if you’re wrong? What if he doesn’t really feel the same? What if—“

 

“Jesus, you really are blind aren’t you? You really don’t see it? Zayn, he’s in as much pain as you are. But he won’t leave Danielle and put his heart on the line because he’s not sure how you feel.” He bends his head trying to catch Zayn’s eye. When he finally looks into those bright green orbs, he sees nothing but love and acceptance. “Actually, you’re both just idiots,” he smiles affectionately to take the sting out of his words. “Talk to him, man. Trust me on this.”

 

Zayn nods slowly and Harry takes it as confirmation before patting Zayn roughly on the leg and opens the door and disappears inside.

 

Maybe he should just talk to him. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, Harry could be completely wrong and he could tell Liam everything, that he’s in love with him so much that he can barely function anymore, and Liam might laugh at him. No, he’s too kind to do that. But it would make it weird to be around him.

 

On and on his mind went around in circles, playing out the different possibilities of this scenario. Unfortunately, the bad ones just seemed more likely to happen.

 

He checked his phone and his eyed widened slightly at the time. He’d been out here for far longer than he thought. The cigarette he’d been smoking was almost entirely ash now, having been burning steadily between his fingers. He neglected to finish it after Harry left. He dropped it on the ground and stepped lightly on the end, though there wasn’t much left of it, and went back inside.

 

Harry was nowhere to be found and Niall and Louis were doing their interview together now he supposed. Liam was still there though, looking mildly bored as he swiped the screen of his phone. “Alright, Zayn?” he asked, genuine Liam-concern in his voice.

 

“Yeah, absolutely. Just went for a smoke.” He flopped backward onto the couch opposite Liam’s chair in their holding room, for lack of a better term, and closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see Liam looking so concerned and kind. Not that it mattered, he saw him on the insides of his eyelids anyway. He could hear the rustling of Liam getting up and moving toward him. _No, no please just leave me to my misery_ , he silently begged.

 

He felt his head being gently lifted and his eyes popped open, comically wide. Liam sat back against the couch and laid Zayn’s head in his lap in such a sweet, tender gesture, Zayn felt a particularly gruesome wrench on his heart. Looking up he saw Liam’s jawline and birthmark ( _how many times had he wanted to press his lips right there?_ ), and those beautiful brown eyes searching his face.

 

It was just too painful. He closed his eyes again because he just couldn’t handle being this close to the boy he was so madly and wholly in love with. If he looked to closely at Liam, he might just do something crazy, like tell him everything. Then he felt warm fingers on his forehead. Liam smoothed the frown between Zayn’s eyebrows and kept stroking softly, over and over. He was lulled into a dreamy state, not even questioning why Liam was touching him so sweetly, so _lovingly_. He felt Liam tap his forehead lightly once, twice, three times before whispering so quietly he almost missed it, “What’s going on in here? Why don’t you tell me, Zayn? Just let me in, please.”

 

Zayn opened his eyes and looked up into those impossibly pretty brown eyes and said, “Don’t you know though?” His defenses were down and he wasn’t thinking clearly in his drowsiness.

 

“Know what?”

 

“That I’m in love with you.”

 

“Zayn…”

 

His eyes grew wide as saucers and he sat up so quickly he nearly gave himself whiplash as he realized what he’d just confessed. “I mean! I just meant that—“

 

Liam put two fingers over his mouth, quieting him. “But I love you, too.”

 

He moved his hand to curl around Zayn’s neck and moved slowly, giving him plenty of time to pull away. But Zayn wasn’t interested in pulling away. He closed the few inches between them and pressed his lips against Liam’s. Liam sighed into the kiss and after a few moments, Zayn moved slightly to rest his forehead on Liam’s, smiling. “God, you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

 

Liam laughed softly. “Probably for as long as I’ve wanted to.”

 

“What about the boys? What about…”

 

Liam kissed him again, just a quick press of lips. “We’ll figure it out, okay? We’ll figure it all out. But if it’s okay with you, I’d rather just kiss you for now.”

 

Zayn chuckled against his lips, “That’s fine with me.”

 


End file.
